(no subject)

[reipan]

There are several things in life that I just don't understand.

For example, how can people hate mushrooms? What qualifies mushrooms for that special love/hate food status?  Personally, I love them - I think they're fantastic, wonderful. Whenever I make cha han, I add mushrooms. But I'm not entirely sure how anyone could hate them. I mean, I can see why people might not be as crazy about them as I am; I can see why people might be able to take or leave mushrooms, or even why they might prefer not to have them. But I don't see what would make someone look at a mushroom and go "Oh, no. No way is that ever going near my mouth. Never, ever, ever, in a million years." I just don't get it. What makes people hate mushrooms so? (For that matter, what makes me love them so much? THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WE'LL NEVER KNOW.

The upshot of all this is that, because I've had a few days alone with no internet, a word processor and nothing else to do, I've concocted another ramble for your questionable delectation. Warning: This one ventures slightly into the realms of the angry.

Enjoy!

Now, just so you know where I'm coming from...I am, by and large, female (although if you read my blog, you probably already know that). I have also spent much of my life surrounded by women. In my household, women outnumber men three to one – four to one, if we count the cat. I have no male cousins that I see more than about once every two years. Most of my friends growing up were girls. I spent five years in an all-girls' school –  surrounded, for the most part, by some of the most annoying, prissy, vain little twerps I have ever encountered. I have also had a couple of truly disastrous romantic encounters involving  other women. Now I go to a mixed school; I've got a couple of close male friends, but my close friends are still mainly girls. Believe me – I've seen quite a range of female behaviour during my young life. My reasons for hating women abound. 

In spite of all that...I don't quite get why women seem to hate other women so much. I suppose part of it is just self-reassurance - “all other women are shallow and fickle, but I must not be like that 'cause I can tell they all are” - but that seems a little silly to me. I've heard it all. Girls who think that every single other member of the female race apart from them is vain, shallow, selfish, bitchy, manipulative, weak, pathetic. (Never, interestingly, uncultured or brutish; those are male adjectives.) They are the only Strong and Confident Woman in the entire universe and those puny mortal girls drive them crazy. They just long for the simple, honest, open company of men.

Riiiight. Now, I've got quite a few male friends; a couple of close ones, and a few that I'm more generally acquainted with. My first two schools were both mixed (and yes, the little boys were every bit as mean as the little girls.) Let me assure you that guys are equally capable of being vain, shallow, selfish, bitchy (yes, really. Hell hath no fury like a guy in a bitching mood), manipulative, weak and pathetic. Ever spent two hours trying to convince a guy that no, the fact that I don't want to go out with you doesn't mean you're never going to find a girlfriend? Ever been so furious with the guy who progresses from saying “it's my mission to turn you straight and make you go out with me” to “you're not really gay, you know! You just think you are!” that you almost decked him? I have. In my experience, the only people who seriously think that women are all one way, and guys are all another way, are the people who haven't spent much time in the company of either. 

Now, this is not to say that guys aren't nice – they are. I get on very well with guys. It's just that in spite of being nice, guys are capable of displaying a whole range of personality flaws. As are girls. In spite of this, however, a lot of girls are quite nice too. (Oh, I am just breaking all the rules today.) I don't quite see what's so big about saying “oh, all the other girls are weak and silly, but I'm not”. Well, gosh, what do you want, a cookie? It's not especially clever, and in my experience girls who say that are absolutely 100% as likely to do all the things that the girls they complain about do anyway. I especially enjoy the rants that go like this:

“...and then I saw her, and she was wearing a short skirt and a tank top!” (Insert obligatory “what is wrong with women?!” hereabouts.)
“Oh. What's wrong with that?”
“It was like she had no self-respect!” (Other variations on this theme include “she looked like a hooker” and “I can't believe anyone who has a boyfriend would dress like that”.)
“Don't you own short skirts and tank tops?”
“...yeah. But there's a difference! When I wear them, I look hot!”

Right. So, it's okay for you to dress in a kind of slutty way because you look hot, but if anyone else dresses the same way and you don't think they look quite as fantastically wonderful, it suddenly becomes a Very Bad Thing. Even if this girl does look terrible in a short skirt, thigh-high boots and tank top, why take it as some sort of personal insult? How does it affect you? If all it does is serve to remind you how much better you look when you dress that way, then surely it's a good thing that you saw them? One of those guilty little ego-boosting moments? Spending all this time slagging them off isn't going to justify your feeling that way, so why waste the vitriol?

Incidentally, is the whole “females don't have as much sexual desire as men” thing a compliment or insult to women? Seems like a double-edged sword to me. All men are animals, and all women are...what's the opposite of an animal? Something inanimate. Tables, I suppose. 

I could go off on a long ramble about how all through history that's been exactly the kind of thinking that led to women being executed for adultery whereas for men it was standard, forced marriages, being forced to stay at home and be pleasant all the time, etc. (I'd have been burned as a witch approximately six times before the age of twelve in those times, methinks.)  I have a theory that one of the stock characters in Victorian literature – the dried-up, bitter old hag who's always complaining – is probably one of the products of Not Having Sexual Desire All Your Life, No, Really, You Don't. What gets me is that people are still saying it. And not just any people – women are still saying it. With the dual effect, it seems, of turning women into tables and men into crazed, uncontrollable lust-machines Ruled By Their Filthy Passions.

Women are as capable of having sexual desire as men. Women are as capable of getting cranky about their sexual desires not being fulfilled as men. Conversely – and I know this might seem strange at first, but go with me – men are capable of controlling themselves. Sure, a lot of them don't, and a lot of women are forced to – not, I hasten to add, by the evil man who wants to keep them down, but simply because the idea that for women, sexuality is optional is quite embedded in our culture and it'll take a lot to get rid of it. The idea that Boys Will Be Boys, Hur Hur is also quite embedded in our culture. So they don't necessarily control themselves as much, because they don't see a need to. Nevertheless, though, there are men who go through all their lives denying themselves a certain aspect of their sexuality in much the same way that women did, and still do.  

The idea that any woman with a high sex drive is a whore but any guy with a high sex drive is just Being A Guy is, I admit, going to be around for generations to come. That doesn't make it right, though, and I feel that by now people should know better. Especially women. It's ridiculous that they're still the ones spouting most of this stuff; what's more, it makes people think that because they're the ones doing it, it must all be true.

So stop the generalisations; it helps no one. If you want to spend any reasonable amount of time in the company of anyone at all, you are going to encounter individuals (and perhaps even groups of individuals) who set your teeth on edge. That is unfortunate. But constantly railing against that particular section of the human race eventually gets tiresome. We all know idiots. We've all been idiots. The fact that we recognise the idiots we know for what they are doesn't make us special, wonderful examples of our sex/race/age group, the likes of which has never been seen. Cut it out.

Comments

[reipan.livejournal.com]

But you're not supposed to peel them! If you peel them, they lose the magic!

...or...so I hear.

[cryforthemoon.livejournal.com]

Really? Right, that's the last time I take culinary advice from my dad.